Burning Electrons

Its been so long since I’ve written anything in either this electronic notebook or in my handwritten note that I have fallen into the inertia of inaction.  Its been so long that its easy to find reasons for not starting again. Its easy to say to oneself that restarting a narrative after such a lengthy absence requires a topic of some import, and that what I have to say today just isn’t important enough. Not worthy enough. And so I don’t write anything.

Well, I don’t have anything important to say today, but I want to say something just to get my writing restarted.

It has been a long fall here in Washington.  I have been trying to balance my neuropathic pain with the dullness induced by opiates.  I’ve been losing the battle on both sides, either I am in too much pain to be comfortable, or I have taken to much fentanyl to be comfortable.  I picture this balance as a sine wave moving around a 0 line that represents being able to function and not be in terrible pain.  There is probably a sector of +- 20% around that 0 line where I am more or less normal.  On the -80% of the time I have a hard time sitting still or meditating because of the ants crawling under my skin.  On the other side, the other 80% of the time I am falling asleep or unable to focus my vision with both eyes open due to the effects of the opiates I have to take.  So up and down I go on this roller-coaster ride.

In the meantime, I have been able to work on my meditation and move ahead with my buddhist studies.  I really would like to have the discipline to learn some tibetan, but I am having a hard enough time just getting my reading done.  My class on comparative meditation is over, and it was pretty good, but fairly advanced.  At the same time I have been taking an introduction to buddhism class that is very basic, but whose texts are illuminating all the same.  In fact, the description of impermanence and emptiness and calm abiding, analytical, and placement meditation finally make sense, and my practice instructor has pointed me in a direction that should help me develop better meditation skills.  So that is good and looking up.  In fact, as soon as I hit publish on this post, I will be doing an hours of shamata (calm abiding) meditation, and then showering and taking Comet for a run in the dog park near Judy’s house.

Oh, and one other big thing is that I found some people to house-sit.  Or, more correctly, Susan found some people to house-sit.  From what I have gathered, they are organic farmers from Oregon.  That could leave a lot to the imagination, so it will be nice to get some clarification on what and Oregon organic gardener grows.  I have started to write Lars and Mary emails so they will know Comet and Buster before they get here. I hope that they will take good care of my animals (and my house, of course) while they are here.

Finally, my back is coming along slowly.  I have a feeling that I will only get one more session in before I leave on this trip.  That should get most of the figure above my belt done, leaving only the lotus seat to finish.

enough