Burning Electrons

Well, I was planning to go somewhere on my motorcycle yesterday, but it was raining and I’m a fair weather rider now.  So I spent the day fighting the pain.  It was bad yesterday.  So bad, it led me putting on a second patch for Friday.  The first one went on at about 5:30AM, the second wasn’t until noon.  I walked up and down in my living room, instead of going in circles as usual, because I could go  straight back and forth much faster, and the full about turn felt better.  Within 30 minutes the  second patch was taking effect, so I sat down to read about the life of Marpa.  The last thing I remember was that he was being sent to Maitripa to learn Mahajnapita(sic, or something like that),and suddenly it was 4pm. I’m lucky I woke up when I did, because I had too much drug on, or so I thought.  So Fri 2 got ripped off immediately.

I had sat trying to work for about 30 minutes (unsuccessfully), when the sentences finally started making sense again, and I could think, with little pain for a while at least.  I had planned on taking a ride, but sure enough, it was still raining.  At about that point I notice that Buster had been sleeping on hie ottoman for a long time.  Since it was near supper time, I reached over to wake him up.  But he was not here anymore.  He was dead. I went to wake him up, because it was time to eat.  I normally didn’t need to wake him up.  But when I touched him, he was cold.  It registered immediately, but that was not what I wanted to have happen, so I tried to pretend I didn’t feel that he was cold, and shook him again, but this time I noticed some mucus coming from his nose and  that the was in rigor already.  He must have died in his sleep.  I hope so anyway. That’s Buster, by the way, sitting on the steps of the back porch with Comet. Buster’s death has thrown me off. Comet too.  We both (Comet and I) still look around corners expecting to see him where he is supposed to be.  I find myself still giving his whistle when I come along 80th street at 27th.  Three single tone tweets.  Over and over, and he comes running out from under whatever plant he is trying to stay dry under today.  And meets us at the front gate, where he demands on a head scratch or he will be in a bad mood all day, no matter how many things I have in my hands at the time.

Image via Wikipedia

What a bummer.  Now, what do you do with a body of someone you used to love?  I don’t have enough wood for a pyre, nor do I have a place to do a real pyre.  I know when I die, whoever has my body can just toss it in the trash.  I am done with it, so, what difference does it make what you do with it.  Just toss it out in whatever manner is the cheapest, easiest way to get rid of it.  But before putting Buster in the trash, I called Susan to give her the news, and she would not hear about me putting him in the trash, She said to bury him.  I guess that is right, You shouldn’t just put a dead cat in the trash,  So I wrapped him in one of the blankets he used to sleep on, so it smelled familiar, and buried him under the plum tree at the back left of my property.  Between the tree and the fence.  I will need to find some medium sized rocks to pile on top of his grave, and figure out some way to keep them there, so they don’t roll away,  And then I was going to scratch something appropriate on the wood fence above his head.  That should do it.

I did go to my shrine room and say a ph’owa ceremony for his first day in the between.  I will try to incorporate some of the Phowa into each days meditation and one the 49th day do a full ceremony, asking that his mind fuse with Amitabha and reach his pure land where he can become a Buddha in one lifetime. It really is a bummer that he died.  Buster and Comet were really close friends and I really liked the way he used to curl up next to me every night while I was reading.  I miss that.  And I miss George.  It still makes me cry when I think of the two of them being gone.  Buster showed no symptoms.  There was no reason for him to die.  I hope that it was nothing that I left around.  I went through my memories of when and where I put on and took off my patches, and I think I accounted for all of them, I know that they had been flushed down the toilet.  And I’ve never see Comet drink from the Toilet.  It wasn’t me, and it wasn’t any other dog, so what was it?  I don’t think Judy could be mad at me enought to kill an innocent animal, but she is really pissed off at me.  I sure hope it wasn’t something she did,  That would be so bad.  That would be enough bad Karma to ensure rebirth in the lowest hells for a very long time,  Sure hope it wasn’t her

Two good friends gone.  IF I don’t get really attached to Susans new dogs, I only have one friend left, Comet, and it he were to die, I don’t think I would want to go on anymore myself..  But, he is healthy and there is no reason to suspect that he will be anything else than healthy. I just don’t think that I could take loosing one more friend  right now.  Plus, I think Comet is lonely, himself.  Next week he won’t be lonely. because Susans dogs are coming over for a week.  But after that, I think I will start looking a rescue dog to adopt.  Maybe a Jack Russell terrrier, or a Westie or even another Wheaton mix,  I just met a need wheaton terried this monrning and I will find out where he came from.  I jsut don’t want to get another dog that I will love more than Comet.  THat would really hurt him  and I don’t want to hurt him, I just want to give him a friend to hand out with.  That’s why I was thinking about a smaller dog.  Oh well.

I really want to try to type into this blog daily, its as good as writing in a journal, but it doesn’t give the sensual/tactical experience or writing witth a pen.  I think I will start my 1 year to live over again, and stop smoking this week.  I went to work out Friday morning and could smell cigarettes on my clothes.  Disgusting.  I finally put on another patch, in the eveneing, and it seemed to work ok.  I finally could read, at least I could read with one eye open, because of the double vision, and I went to sleep around midnight.

This morning when I got up and took Comet for his walk, at 5:30.  I automatically expected that Buster would follow us on our way out, but of course, Buster isn’t there so Comet and I went by our selves.  YEah, I think I need to start doing the One Year to Live practice again.